The Good Man Syndrome
At the end of one of Bishop Jakes’ sermons, Scandalous Grace, he said that he wanted to pray for Bathsheba. That’s because during his teaching he discussed her scandalous relationship and how he wished he could pray for her to do as David did which was to wash her face and get on with her life after the death of the son she’d conceived during their affair. But it was in that moment that I began to see her differently.
So many times, when we hear about their entanglement, we tend to focus on David’s unfaithfulness and lust for a beautiful woman while at the same time only seeing Bathsheba as the victim. As if she had no choice but to be with the king. But their affair wasn’t forced because if it was, we would then have to accuse David of rape. And clearly, we know that’s not the case which means Bathsheba wasn’t as innocent as we’d previously presumed.
Bathsheba was a married woman so I can understand that when the king summoned her to his palace that she assumed it was about business. What I can’t understand is that when the kings advances were perfectly clear and she knew that it wasn’t about business but that she’d been summoned to be on the kings business, I can’t understand why she stayed. The other thing I don’t understand is how, as a married woman, she had consensual sex on the first date. But maybe there’s nothing to understand. Maybe Bathsheba actually liked the king. I say that only because after their entanglement, she went home and said nothing. She kept her affair secret. If it were a one-time thing, she would have confessed her indiscretion, but she didn’t which again leads me to believe that this was no accident. But what do I mean by that?
Her tryst wasn’t something that just happened. She’d been thinking about unfaithfulness for a long time. She just didn’t happen to have consensual sex with David. It was something she’d been thinking about. Not necessarily saying that she thought about having an affair with the king, but she’d been entertaining adulterous thoughts for quite some time. So much so, that a situation was created – by the enemy – for her to act on it. And here’s where it gets worse.
She only had those thoughts because she had a good man. Bathsheba struggled with what I call ‘the good man syndrome.’ Good man syndrome is when a woman mistreats, disrespects, and/or has an affair on a good man because she’s never been misused and/or physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or financially abused by a bad man. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my fair share of bad men in my life that if a good one were to come along, I’d know how to treat him. Uriah was a good man, but he wasn’t as powerful, influential, or as wealthy as David. And though he was a soldier and lived off a soldier’s salary, he made a decent living. He must have done well for himself because he and Bathsheba lived a stone’s throw away from the king’s palace. How else would David have seen her sunbathing on her patio. Therefore, the two probably lived in a gated community. But yet and still Bathsheba was unfaithful.
But not only was Uriah a good, hardworking man but he was a faithful one on top of that. How do I know? Because when David commanded him to go home and be with his wife, he ‘slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house.’ When asked why he didn’t return home to Bathsheba, he said, “The ark and Israel and Judah are dwelling in tents, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are encamped in the open fields. Shall I then go to my house to eat and drink, and to lie with my wife?” (2 Samuel 11:8-11) Thus proving his faithfulness but not only in service but that had to be reflected in his marriage. But that’s not all.
Not only did Bathsheba have a hardworking, good, faithful man but she had a man that loved God. How do I know? Because the reason he didn’t go and have sex with his wife is because, “The ark and Israel and Judah [were] dwelling in tents, and [his commanding officer] Joab and [his fellow soldiers were]…encamped in the open fields.” He cared more about the ark of the covenant and his fellow soldiers than he did about having sex with his beautiful wife. That says a lot about his character and who he was as a man. In sum, Uriah was a good, hardworking, faithful man who loved the Lord and put his country first. But Bathsheba wasn’t satisfied with the fact that she had a good man. Her hearts desire was to have a man of means. One who had his own kingdom. Now I’m not saying she was gold digger but she definitely wasn’t happy with the…man that she had. She wasn’t satisfied with the life they’d built, and she certainly wasn’t pleased with the caliber of man Uriah was.
For the record, I am in no way saying that Bathsheba was a bad person. Not in the least. But again, she definitely wasn’t pleased with the life and the man that she had.
Some of us don’t have A MAN, let alone a good, hardworking, faithful man that loves God.
Yet ya girl had all of the above and that still wasn’t enough.
Why am I saying this to you? Because if you’re a single woman who desires to be a future wife, then you’re going to have to decide if you want who God has for you or who you want for you. God wanted Uriah to be Bathsheba’s husband. God wanted her to have a faithful, hardworking good man but she wanted one with power. Not saying that Uriah didn’t have any juice but clearly she wanted a man with that drip. And if that’s what you want, then fine. Settle for that. But if God sends you a Uriah, then you can’t spend your time entertaining thoughts of David. And please oh please oh please, don’t mistreat, talk down, flirt, and/or be unfaithful to the good man God sends. The last thing you ever want to do is mistreat a good man; especially if that good man is one of God’s sons.
So again, if you’re single, settle it in your heart that if your future husband is a Uriah, then you’re going to treat him like an Abraham. 1 Peter 3:5, 6 says that, ‘the holy women who trusted in God [were]…submissive to their…husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.’ Abraham was so good to Sarah that she not only submitted and obeyed him, but she also called him lord. Am I saying that you have to call your future good man sir? Nope! But Uriah was such a good man that Bathsheba should have been willing to not only treat him well but to go as far as to call him sir as a token of her affection, appreciation, and adoration. Again, I’m not saying that you should, but that should be the posture of your heart. It might not take all that and it might not be all that good but if it is, then girl, in the words of Birdman...put some respect on his name 😊.
Pray this with me: Heavenly Father, if my future husband is half the man that Uriah was, then teach me how to love and treat him. But Heavenly Father, if he is all the man Uriah was and more, then by all means, please teach me how to love, submit, obey, honor, and respect the good man that he is. In Jesus’ name.
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