“…Lord, be merciful to me; Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You.”
Psalm 41:4
I did some things before I was born again that even though I’ve confessed and received God’s forgiveness, I’ve yet to forgive myself. And every now and then, the memory monster tries to remind and condemn me; at which time, I sheepishly take that ugly guilt by the hand and walk it back into my thought life; hitting replay and pausing at the thought of how I could have done something so horrible. We’ve all committed certain unconscionable acts of sin that we’d like to forget. And even though we’ve confessed our sins and God was faithful and just to forgive and cleanse us (1 John 1:9); we still haven’t forgiven ourselves.
While in prayer about it, I saw it that there’s another side to unforgiveness, and it’s the side that you have to forgive yourself. God has, the other person has; but yet you still carry the shame in your soul. The part of you that houses your mind, will and emotions. And because we’ve been taught that unforgiveness applies to other people and God; we forget to factor ourselves into the equation. So when the dark memory tries to resurrect itself in our minds, we allow it to revive instead of remembering that;
‘He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.’ Colossians 1:13,14
We remain in darkness; silently not wanting to be forgiven. I didn’t realize this is what had happened to me, until I was in prayer this morning. I’ll share a piece of it with you and prayerfully; it’ll start you to seeking God and begin the healing process. It’s raw, unedited and the audio is a little rough; but I pray that afterward, you’ll ask God to give you the grace to forgive yourself.
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