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Grown and Growing

In September 2014, after eleven years of celibacy and three months prior to my 44th birthday, I prayed this simple prayer, ‘Lord, I’m the woman I want to be and I’m who I want people to believe and know that I am. Now, Lord, I want to be who You created me to be.’ Soon thereafter, the Lord let me know that He needed to work on my personality. My personality? What? I thought I was fine, but in fact, I wasn’t. He let me know (not in an audible voice) that I’d gone as far as I could go with who I’d become. That even at 44, I’d come to a place where He was requiring more of me and in order to go to the next level, I had to let go of the woman I wanted to be and the woman I had to be. Without going into details, up until that point, I had to be guarded and hard. But for where God was leading me, I had to let that part of my personality go.

Let 'It' Go It’s like I saw myself walking down a hallway, dragging a blanket. I knew that if I didn’t let go of the blanket, I wouldn’t be able to go through the door that was quite-a-ways down the hall. I’d been walking for so long, that I didn’t even realize I was dragging 'it'. But the closer I got to the door, the more I realized something was wrong. I started to sense something was trying to prevent me from walking through. I looked down at the blanket and thought, ‘I know you shouldn’t be here. I know I shouldn’t be carrying you.’ But I couldn’t let 'it' go. It’s like the more I looked at 'it', the more intrigued I was. I even felt myself wanting to continue to identify with 'it' even more. Then the Lord let me know that I had to release 'it' because 'it' was slowing me down and preventing me from receiving what I needed to go through that door and into the next level. That blanket had been covering up who I was growing into and in order for 'it' to no longer stunt my growth, I had to let 'it' faith. God wanted me to trust Him enough to let 'it' go; even though I didn’t know all the blanket represented and the process it would take to release 'it'. So, I did. I later found out what 'it' was. The blanket was my past; past experiences, past personality, and past image – that I didn’t want to let go of. Though I thought 'it' was a part of who I was as a woman, I now know that I’ve outgrown 'it'.

Let 'It' Go, So You Can Grow You see, though you may be well-educated, highly successful and unusually accomplished, you’re still a child - God’s child. And as His child, there are still parts of your past, thinking and personality that you’ve outgrown. Parts that you’ve identified with because they represented who you wanted to be, at that particular point in your life. In which case, you too have to be willing to let go and allow God to make you into the woman He needs for you to be today; even at 50, 70, or 90+. God’s given us 120 years which means you still have quite a bit of living to do. There are levels (hopes, dreams, assignments) still to come that you must grow into. Will it be easy? No, because you’re set in your ways and don’t think you need to change. But once you humble yourself to the fact that no matter your age, you’re still a child of God, you’ll be more receptive and understand that even at 90+, you can change your habits and personality. And with enough grace, in no time, you’ll grow into a better you; the you God needs for you to be today.

Pray this with me: Lord, I’m the person I want to be and I’m who I want people to know that I am. Now, Lord, I want to be who You created me to be. Lord, I’m willing to let go of every part of my past, thinking, and personality that’s holding me back from becoming the son/daughter and man/woman You need me to be for this stage in my life and with the help of Your Holy Spirit and by Your grace, I’ll start becoming the man/woman You created me to. In Jesus’ name.

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