Up until recently, I didn’t understand why the Lord told Peter in Luke 22:31, 32 that, ‘when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.’ Initially, I thought it was because Peter left Jesus at the high priests house after Jesus had been arrested. But as I sit in my own situation, I now understand. This may seem a little self-righteous but for so long, I’ve tried to do the right thing. I don’t smoke or drink. I don’t club or cuss. I haven’t dated or had sex in over 12 years. I pray, read my Bible, and I tithe. I love God and His people; but for the last 13 years, my life has been a financial disaster. Adding insult to injury, my son was dealing with the same. For well over a decade, I’ve lived below the national poverty average; all while trying to live for God. I use to excuse my struggle as part of God’s plan. But now I see that it’s a combination of major disobedience and devilish attacks. Inasmuch, I finally reached Peter’s point.
What It Looks Like
If you’ve never been there, allow me to explain. It’s the point where you don’t understand why things aren’t happening. Peter saw Jesus feed 5,000 people with two fish and five loaves of bread. He saw Him cast out demons, heal lepers, cause blind eyes to see and even saw Him raise the dead. But in this moment and at this point, he was now seeing Jesus in handcuffs and doing absolutely nothing about it. Like Peter, I too have seen the Lord do amazing things. I watched as semi-automatic bullets flew through my bedroom window; with the exception of one hitting me. I was there in a pool of blood as my son and I prayed that I’d walk again and now I do. I know of His ability to turn a hoe into a sexually pure woman of God because I was about that life and after twelve years of abstinence, here I stand; as single, sexy, and saved as ever. I get that. But why am I still broke? Why is my son being attacked and why isn’t the Lord doing anything about it? Have you reached that point?
It’s the point where if you’re honest, you no longer want to identify yourself as a believer because to be quite honest, you’re kinda mad at God. You’re upset because this shouldn't be happening to you. And since it is, you question whether or not you want to continue doing the right thing. I’ve been there and the good part about it, is that so did someone that was close to Jesus. Peter didn’t understand what was happening and he too had gotten to the point where he left the Lord and did his own thing. He too no longer considered himself a disciple; which is why the angels told Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome in Mark 16:7 to ‘go, tell His disciples—and Peter’; its because he'd given up on himself which meant he'd also given up on God. The Lord wanted Peter to know that even though he left Him, He never left Peter. And the same is true for you child of God.
Don't Give Up On God
There may come a time when you get to Peters Point. But if you do, never give up on God. Always know that if there was something that He could do; He would. Understand that if He doesn’t, it’s because there’s something He’s already told you to do that can eliminate the situation that you haven't done or He’s graciously given you the grace to go through it. Either way, don’t leave; no matter how rough it gets and no matter how bad it hurts. When I’d gotten to that point, sometimes all I could do was take a nap. Seriously. I had to pull the covers over my head; just so I could get my mind off the situation and perhaps you should do the same. Rest and stop trying to make sense of it all. It could be that you’re mature enough to handle it without an explanation. Remember when your mother told you to do something and you asked her why. To which her response was usually, ‘Because I said so!’ This may be one of those times when God is saying the same.
Pray this with me: Heavenly Father, I am at that point. I’m tired, I don’t understand, and I’m upset. Lord, I know it’s not You and I know You want what’s best for me. Help me to get out of this. Please forgive me for being mad and almost walking away from You. In Jesus’ name.
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